“So kidz. Come and shit, no I mean sit, on old Santa’z lap and tell ‘im if yer’ve been good or bad thiz year. Whad’ya you mean yer don’t want to? Fat old Santa stinks of sherry you say? Alright, alright, I might have just been swigging from a bottle or two, but don’t worry I’m perfectly OK. Just gettin’ in the Christmas spirit and that. Don't be so bloody bah humbug yer two bob piece of sh*te.
Well if yer not gonna tell me what you want for bloody Christmas I better show you my list. Anyway, it's a bit bloody late now ain't it? It's soddin' Christmas eve and I'm all bloody loaded up and ready to creep into your bedroom wif what i've got for yer. Here ya f*ckin’ go:
Santa’s Christmas List
1. Mariah Carey in her sexy Christmas dress.
2. Four bottles of sherry.
3. Some Mistletoe and Kylie Minogue in her sexy Christmas dress.
4. Four bottles of brandy.
5. The Saturdays in their very sexy Christmas dresses (dresses optional, they can come in just their Christmas stockings if you can't afford the whole thing.)
6. Four bottles of port.
That’ll do. Ho bloody ho. ‘Ere’s anofa Christmas tune. It ain't a banger which iz wot all the kidz wont for Christmas ain't it? But it’s from a
Sophie Jamieson - The First Noel