A Special Message From Santa - Part 2

"Alright kids? Ho bloody ho to you an’ all. I’m afraid you’ll have to excooze me but bad old Santa has had one toooooo many sherries and is feeling a bit pissed tipsy today, so writing this bog, sorry blog, is gonna be a bit of a shizzle Christy-o-mess.

Now, the problem wiv all this Santa boozy, no, buizeynezzzz is chimneys. No one builds ‘em big enough for my fat old arse these days – and I’m meant to go down stacks of the things (geddit?). You’ve got to be Kate bloody Moss to get down ‘em now you know. So this year kids, if you want a present, leave the soddin’ front door open for me will you?

And another thing – if you’re leaving a drink out for dear old Santa, none of that nasty sherry crap from yer cheap supermarket. Otherwize all you’ll get from me is a present from the Poundland store sale - some edible red seasonal undies or summat - Santa is a man of expensive taste. Right?

Now apparently, I’m meant to be choooosing a tune for all you boyz and girlz to play today, and because I’ve had a few drinks I’m feeling a bit dirty, so I’m gonna drop something nasty this Christmas. None of that Jingle Bells shite today. Oh yes, Santa’s gonna rape your ears….

Happy f*ckin’ Christmas. I’m outta here. Yeaah the title of this song says it all. I really did you know. She's a goer all right. Still not as frisky as Rudolph though. He's a c*nt ain't he? The other reindeers don't play with him you know. Not because of his nose - just because he's a c*nt. Ho f*ckin' ho to the bloody lot of yer. Now f*ck of and leave me alone till next year, I'm off to force feed the elves yellow snow - pointy eared w*nkers. Luv Shhhhhanta."

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