Thursday, 23 December 2010

A Special Message From Santa - Part 1

“Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas readers. Your regular author of Breaking More Waves is taking a few days break over this festive yuletide and instead has left it to yours truly – dear old Santa - to curate a couple of tunes on this blog leading up to Christmas day. So big it up to me and my reindeers with the poncey names. Honestly - Prancer, Dancer and Rudolph. What was Mrs Claus thinking with those ? Anyway this blogging malarkey; personally I think it’s a little inconsiderate, what with me and the elves being so busy now - stuffing our bulging sacks and popping mice pies into our sherry-breathed mouths like it’s going out of fashion. All of this blog shenanigans before we make our deliveries is a little beyond me really.

So boy and girls, I hope you’ve been good this year? But don’t worry if you haven't, because actually what keeps me jolly is knowing where all the bad girls live, if you know what I mean. Oh yes, Santa likes them like that. Ho, ho, ho. To be honest, I’m getting a bit too old for all this sleigh riding stuff, or any sort of riding at all - particularly with those bad girls - surely there must be an easier way? I think next year I’ll just set up a website and the kids can choose what they want from that and I’ll pay for a courier company to deliver it all. Rudolph has some contacts he knows.

So I’d better get back on with all this rapping – Jay Z and Kanye have disappeared out the back somewhere, so it’s just me on my own, laying down the hot joints. What, hey? Oh, it’s wrapping, not rapping I’m meant to be doing? Ho, ho, ho I do love a cheesy Christmas cracker of a joke don’t you?

Anyway boys and girls, here’s what I believe you youngsters call a fine banger. It’s what Daft Punk would sound like if they did a Christmas song. Jingle-tastic ! Right, I’m off to give the old bird a good stuffing, and then see to old Rudolph after that.

See you fine folks tomorrow for another mince pie topped with brandy butter and my second Christmas tune. Ho, ho, ho and all that jiggery pockery I'm off for a medicinal sherry, so I may be a bit worse for wear when you find me on Christmas Eve. Tally ho! ”

Jingle Bells (by Gay Robots) by syncdrifters

1 comment:

Scryst said...

Amazing ! A true 'legend' writing on your blog ! How can you top that....