Friday, 21 December 2012

A Message From Santa (Guest Post)

Ho ho ho kidz. Santa here. Come an' sit on ma lap and make an old man very happy. Don’t worry about the smell of sherry, dear old Santy-pops haz been getting himself a bit pissed ready to get through the winter with a few drinks to warm himself up. I’m looking forward to sliding down your chimney and unloading my sack all over your stockinggz. Don’t forget, none of that leaving me milk and mince pie shite. Just a big old glass of sherry OK? Or even better, just leave the bottle. 

Yule ‘ave to excooze the odd spelling miztake on this here blog post, but the normal musical elves have shat of out of the building and left me here on ma todd, sat in me ‘comedy’ Christmas y-fronts at this laptop, trying to work out what this bogging iz all about.

So from now till I go off and creep into youngsters bedroomz and give ‘em what they want I’m gonna give you sum some moosical goodness. Starting today with this lot. There’s The Good Natured, who iz some hot young fillie wiv a bit of a dark side. She’s covered that Christmas Wrapping song. Cor, I’d like to have a go at unwrapping her one day. She’d be thankful for the present I gave her. Then there’s Pins doing Kiss Me Quickly (It’s Christmas). Ho ho ho, now that’s the sort of offer I like. Forget the mistletoe and just get straight down to it. After all Christmas and Santa only come once a year so we’d better make it worfwhile. Well done Pins you seem like dear old Santa’s sort of gurlz. Finally there’s Gabriel Bruce doin’ Silent Night. Now I fink I got a bit confused here becoz I thought old Gabriel was that bird thatz done that John Lewis advert thing and I was quite ready to slip her The Power of Love if you know what I mean, but it seems this Gabriel is a man! A man! Oh well, beggarz can’t be choozerz, and Santa’s quite a randy old sod when he’s had a few drinks. I’ll take anything. Come on Gabriel Bruce, over ‘ere, its time to make it a not so silent night. Gabriel, come back…..

Oh and if anyone sees Rudolph tell him he lookz a c*nt with that shiny red nose. An absolute one. Here’s the tunez. Happy f*ckin’ Christmas one and all.

The Good Natured ft Collette Carr - Christmas Wrapping

Pins - Kiss Me Quickly (It's Christmas)

Gabriel Bruce - Silent Night

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