Gabrielle Aplin (With Rachel Sermanni and Lucy Rose) - River

Ho Ho Ho!

Hello kidz. Howz it goin’? Santa ‘ere, takin’ over this blog-shite for a few days with me mates whilst the normal author is off being a right old fairy and sitting on top of the Christmas tree or somefink.

I’ve been enjoying the odd glass of sherry or 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 9 whilst ‘avin a look at this yearz naughty and nice Christmas list, to see who I’ve got to give wot to. And believe me I do like to give the naughties a bit of wot they deserve. Ho Ho Ho. Last year I remember one particular lassy who had been very very bad all year, so I slipped somethin’ inside ‘er stocking really appropriate. And then there was another bad lad who I gave a sackful of my Christmas joy to. He won’t forget that Christmas in a hurry. Mrs Claus wasn’t very happy with me, but I’ve got an important job to do, coming down all those chimneys and spreading the Christmas love and thatz how I like to spread it. 

Anyways, I’m not ‘ere to tell youz about howz I get sizzled on Christmas Eve and then spread the magic with the elves. No, I’m ‘ere to give you some good old Christmas tunez. Because there’s nothing better than some banging yuletide bangerz.

Except f*ck me backwards with Rudoplph’s red nose, what the f*ck is this? It sounds like someone got a copy of The Staves album and thought they’d have a go being Joni bloody Mitchell. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. But I’ve been left a note here that says something about the bloke who normally writes this drivel being a fan of Aplin, Rose and Sermanni and so I’ve got to embed it on this blog.

Well screw that, there’s only one sort of embedding I like to do and that’s getting Mrs Claus in the old bed for a spot of riding my sleigh and ringing my bell, but seems like I’m gonna have to do what Mr Breaking More Waves says for now, mainly ‘coz I’m too out of ma f*cking skull to find any other Christmas tunes. Mental. W*nker.

Happy Christmas kidz. Make sure you all get out on the lash, start a few fights and puke up in your hallways on Christmas Eve after a big old greasy kebab. Thatz the way to make Christmas special.

Gabrielle Aplin (With Rachel Sermanni and Lucy Rose) - River